Celebrity skin

And a triumphant update, plus sunscreen

First and foremost:


I have spoken with @lorealparis, please swipe for full statement.

Thank you everyone for having my back with this matter over the past three years, it hasn't been easy. Looking forward to new beginnings and a new positive relationship with the L'Oreal team.

Munroe x
June 9, 2020

Thank god and good for her and YAY. And it’s a comparatively minor thing, but I am happy I no longer have to feel a boiling rage every time I open the medicine cabinet and spy my favorite moisturizer. Instead I can just feel a nice generalized boiling rage, without those sudden spikes in temp, which are terrible for my PIE*. EVERYONE WINS. (Incidentally, in case you were wondering where I am on CVS, the jury’s still out.)

In conclusion:


*PIE, for the record, stands for post-inflammatory erythema, which is something us exceedingly fair-skinned people are prone to. It’s that lingering redness after a zit, which can legit last months. If you’re wondering how to fix it, there is no easy fix. Those of you with PIH (post-inflammatory hyperpigmentation, which is sorta the same thing but instead of redness it’s an increase in melanin at the formerly inflamed spot) have really targeted ingredient options that can make a direct difference in your skin when applied to the affected area. But with PIE, the best you can do is prevent inflammation as much as possible and dedicate your skincare routine to making your skin barrier as healthy as possible. And centella asiatica, that helps some of us.

I should probably do a newsletter on PIH - or at least on hyperpigmentation in general. I get lots of questions about it. Until my brain is capable of focusing enough to do that, just know to wear a high SPF all the damn time no matter what, and don’t you DARE use some whitening/skin lightening product, so help me god. Also get yourself a broad-brimmed hat or visor to go with that SPF, it makes a huge difference.

Okay I will now tell you about that sunscreen mousse, because I got some!!

EVY Sunscreen Mousse

My friend sent me this last fall! (She knows I have this newsletter but I don’t know if she reads it, as I make a habit of averting my eyes from the subscriber list. But hey Mer, if you’re reading this: thank you again!) Back in the before times when people went places and did things, she was in Europe and was just filling her suitcase with multiple cans of this when she heard me say I wanted to try some but it was hard to find.

The product they have that’s specifically for the face is SPF 30 but, being an absolutely superlative citizen of Skincare City, my friend sent SPF 50. She also said that it’s the kind that really stubbornly sticks to your skin, what with the water resistance and all, so I decided to wait to try it until we entered into the humid gross hot Chicago summer weather.

And that was the last coupla days, oh god kill me. For those of you who don’t know, Chicago might be renowned for its winters but I contend that its summers are often worse. The whole city becomes a swamp full of sweaty gym socks and garbage bees and the air literally sweats on you. It’s revolting and I loathe it and for those days I have to actually be out in the direct sunlight and/or exerting myself, I really need one of these heavy-duty type SPFs.

And this one is kinda perfect, I gotta say. I love it. Like, it even feels bulletproof. Normally it’s the kind of feeling that bugs me in a sunscreen, but it’s exactly what I want when the sun is searing and the sweat is flowing. I’m never afraid that it’s melting off my face unbeknownst to me because when I think about it, I can feel it there. (Or not, after a few hours of exertion, and so I reapply.)

It is basically like shaving cream. Well, a little less wet than shaving cream.

The instructions say to rub it in your hands a bit first and then apply, but I didn’t. I just slapped it on and rubbed it in. I did definitely use too much, though. First I used my 2-fingers approach which yes sounds sexual, and then the next day I went with 1 fingerlength’s worth which also sounds sexual and that was enough for face and neck. If you try this product, this is something to be careful of because when I used too much it was very tacky. (Weirdly I didn’t mind it? I don’t know why, as I usually hate that, but maybe it’s because it’s a dry tacky.) When you don’t use too much, there is a slight tackiness to it but extremely light, and in a way that makes me think it’d be perfect for those of you who wear foundation. Like it’d really grip the makeup and hold on, which would be extra-great for sweaty days.

Also one of the benefits of it being foam is that it’s (allegedly) good for reapplication over makeup. I’d need someone to try this to verify, but I mean yeah sure theoretically it’d be easy to just press it gently into the skin and not disturb the layer of flesh-colored paint that aids so many in literally putting on a brave face every day. Like I said, it’s stubborn-clingy like those sports-type SPFs, so I use a double-cleanse to get it all off. Other points: it’s not drying (for me) and has no alcohol OR fragrance, halleluia.

Also it didn’t leave any white cast on my skin but we have extensively reviewed my hyper-whiteness so I am less than useless on this point. I can say that there was no residue on/around my eyebrows at all, and that’s generally a good indicator of little/no white cast. So look, if you have a very dark complexion and wanna test it out and report back? I’ll send you this can. Seriously. Just give a shout.

If you want to try it for yourself, HUZZAH you can buy it in the US now! It’s here. (It’s European, so if you live on that continent just like check around. If you’re on some other continent, I don’t know your Evy situation, sorrrrrry.) It’s a bit pricey but I have to say that I think it’s worth it to have a can on hand in the summers. Man, especially if I ever get to go on a vacation to a tropical location ever again, or anywhere sunny and vacation-y that makes the heat seem like it’s almost worth it. It’s the kind of sunscreen that just holds up all day while you tromp around on cobblestones with a Frommer’s in hand sweating and trying not to look like an imperialist scumbag in sensible walking sandals. This sunscreen is like your favorite extra-strength never-fail deodorant, ya know? True summer essentials.

Famous Liars

So back on Memorial Day, which lol was NOT actually three decades ago but less than three WEEKS ago we live in a cursed time, I saw this article about sales on products that celebrities swear by and just felt the need to come here and make sure you all know that approx 98% of the time, the famous pretty lady is a lying liar who is lying to you with lies.

It is product placement. It is an ad. If it is not those things, it’s someone doing a friend/brand a favor. NEVER believe it. You think Jennifer Aniston is really out here like “omg I have to remember to tell InStyle that NuFace is an affordable alternative to those pricey spa treatments, the world must know!” No, my friends. Jennifer Aniston is accepting the magazine’s offer to give her a free puff piece to promote her next Netflick if she’ll just pretend she uses whichever product some company’s PR person paid the magazine to “organically” feature. Then Jennifer looks over the list of things she can surreptitiously plug and tells the interviewer, “Sure, I’ve heard of NuFace, go with that one,” before she jets over to her spa to get a thousand lasers directed at her epidermis before consulting with her plastic surgeon about her next set of Botox injections.


I just wanted to remind you of this.

Another celebrity thing that’s super popular is detailing famous people’s skincare routines. It’s a whole genre of YouTube, actually, people critiquing those Vogue “Get Ready With Me” videos.

Gratuitously dragging people - even famous people - for their skincare routines is not my jam, but I admit that nearly every time I happen to see one, I just want to magick myself onto their imported Italian marble vanity and tell them what’s what, while also asking them to divulge which of these jars and tubes are calculated product placement and which are for real.

Someone asked me about Alicia Keys’ routine, so I googled and…you guys, she’s given like 5 different routines to different outlets in the last year. A sulfur mask is key, but also she loves a $450 eye serum she only mentions once, and in January she swore by some tea tree oil spray but in May it was rose oil spray, and honest to god who knows??? I glanced through a few of them and was pleased to see she’s big on sunscreen (yay!) and she obviously has an affinity for propolis and the sulfur does seem to be a constant in her battle against acne. But Alicia, where is your exfoliaaaaation? I don’t think I saw any niacinamide and I bet it would help balance things out? Is any of this real or am I arguing with fiction???

Anyway, all that said, I would like to invite you to please suggest a skincare routine you’d like my feedback on. I mean, like if you ever saw one and thought “Man, I wonder what Beth would say about that”, do leave it in the comments to let me know and I will politely analyze for the class for our collective edification. Off the cuff, I can tell you that unlike Serena Williams, most of us should NOT be using coconut butter like that, and I beg of you to never ever ever ever follow Bella Thorne’s skincare advice. Ever. Please. My god.

But feel free to give me more material because honestly my brain is still being eaten up by the year of our lord 2020 (causing us all to question whose lord, exactly, is in charge here) and it’s a nice relief to talk about skincare sometimes but coming up with something from scratch is apparently asking too much. Here is a button where you can go leave a comment:

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In Conclusion

Wear a mask, please. And SPF, duh.

hearts and stuff,

PS: My biggest beauty secret is a good statue-toppling, who needs Fraxel when there’s this gorgeous display to give me that ethereal glow and did you think I would shut up about this stuff well you were WRONG

Help Darnella